When you’re in public, it’s not always easy to manage your child’s tantrum. You may feel embarrassed or frustrated, and other people may seem judgmental. But your child is learning how to express feelings instead of holding them inside. Tantrums convey strong feelings that your child can’t yet put into words. Here are some tips for handling them:
Don’t ignore the tantrum.
It may be tempting just to let your child have a little time to themselves while they work out whatever is bothering them, but don’t do it! Ignoring the tantrum will only make your child believe that their behavior is acceptable and will likely result in more frequent outbursts in the future. Instead, try engaging with your child as you would if they were having an innocent meltdown—by asking what’s wrong or trying to comfort them. If necessary, remove yourself from any situation where this type of behavior may cause harm to anyone else (e.g., leaving an inappropriate comment on someone’s Facebook post).
Stay positive.
Don’t let your child’s tantrum get you down, even if they have a really epic meltdown. It can feel demoralizing to have so little control over your own emotions, but it’s important not to let the tantrum take over and make you angry or frustrated with your child.
Avoid punishing children for having tantrums. Remember that kids this age don’t know how to express their feelings in words yet—and they’re still learning the “right” way to behave, which may mean they act out when upset or frustrated (especially if they’ve never had an outlet for those feelings).
Punishment won’t help these issues go away any faster; rather than punish them for having a tantrum right now, give yourself time later tonight when things have settled down so you can talk about ways that both of you could improve communication between now and next time something comes up in the future. If possible, don’t give in to demands during a tantrum either—it’s okay if your child wants something right now but doesn’t get his way (because there’s no way around saying “no” at least some times when we need them).
Be consistent.
It can be difficult for parents to stay consistent with their children, especially when tantrums occur. However, consistency is vital if you want your child to learn the rules of behavior and what is expected of them. For example, if you tell your child not to throw their toys but then allow them to continue doing so because you’re tired or frustrated, they will learn that throwing toys is acceptable behavior.
On the other hand, if every time they yell at you or slam something down on a table (without permission), they are told firmly “No” and sent straight into their room until they calm down—and then given choices about how they’d like to spend their time while there—they’ll probably stop yelling as much and may even feel more inclined toward making choices instead of having everything dictated by others!
Be patient and wait it out, or leave the room if necessary.
Being patient and waiting it out is the best course of action for most tantrums. It would help if you didn’t give in to a tantrum because then your child will think this is an acceptable way to behave. And it would be best if you also didn’t let them get away with bad behavior because that teaches them that it’s okay to do so.
Here are some other ideas:
- Don’t let the child get away with hurting others, including themselves or property. If they’re screaming at their brother or sister or kicking their stuffed toy across the room, tell your child that they need to stop immediately and explain why they shouldn’t do those things (or better yet, take away whatever they’re using as a weapon).
- Don’t let the child get what they want by throwing a tantrum (for example, if your child wants an ice cream but doesn’t want dinner first). Explain that after dinner comes dessert—not before—and offer them something else instead, like milk and cookies; this should satisfy any sugar cravings until then!
Give clear instructions.
It’s important to speak with a calm, firm voice. You want your child to feel that you are in control of the situation and that they can trust you. Use short, simple sentences: Give one instruction at a time, then wait for your child’s response before giving the next instruction. For example: “Sit down on the couch.”
Use positive language. Don’t say things like “don’t throw things” or “don’t be angry” because this doesn’t tell children how they should behave. Instead, say what you want them to do (“Put down all of your toys except for one”).
Offer a distraction.
Give your child a distraction. When you see that your child has a tantrum, offer an activity to help her calm down. This can be as simple as asking her to put away the toys or pick up a book. Distractions work best when they’re something fun for children of all ages (not just younger ones), but if your child is too young for more advanced activities, try giving her things related to what she likes most—such as reading aloud from her favorite book or playing with dolls in the playroom with other kids.
A distraction will not always work immediately or easily; sometimes, it takes several minutes before calming down becomes possible again. But if you keep trying different things until you find one that works (and be sure not to give up!), you’ll eventually see results—and hopefully soon!
Sometimes offering distractions isn’t enough — especially when kids are upset about something specific such as losing something important like their favorite stuffed animal dolly.”
Know potential triggers for tantrums.
- Tiredness. If your child is tired, they may be more prone to tantrums. It can be difficult for parents to know when their kids feel tired and whether they’re just having a bad day, but if you notice that your child is moody or cranky after waking up from naps, it might mean they need more sleep than usual.
- Hunger. Another common cause of tantrums is hunger—especially in toddlers and preschoolers who haven’t yet mastered the art of self-soothing with food or toys when they’re hungry (or tired).
- Overstimulation/boredom/frustration. Kids get overwhelmed by too much stimulation easily—and this can lead them to lose control of themselves and act out in ways that feel embarrassing because they don’t know how else to cope with the feelings inside them! Make sure you keep these triggers in mind by trying not to overwhelm your kids with new experiences until they’ve had time to adjust first (it might help if you break things down into smaller chunks) so that there’ll be fewer opportunities for misbehavior later on down the road when everyone’s already feeling stressed out due having just moved into a house together.
Take deep breaths yourself, and model calm behavior for your child.
If you’re feeling stressed out, take a minute to relax before approaching your child. This will help the situation by reducing your stress and helping you remain calm when dealing with them.
Don’t get angry or yell at your child. When parents are angry and frustrated, they can be tempted to respond in ways that make matters worse. Remember: yelling only makes tantrums worse!
Don’t be afraid to leave the room if things get out of hand; this may help both of you calm down a bit before coming back to talk things over calmly again later on when tempers have cooled down a bit (and maybe after some time spent doing something else entirely).
Don’t give in just because it seems easier than arguing right now – giving in will only encourage more tantrums in the future because he’ll learn that whining works for him!
Children are learning how to express themselves, and you can help them through it.
Your child’s tantrums are not your fault. Children are learning how to express themselves, and you can help them through it.
Don’t let your child’s tantrum get you upset. When a child is fit, adults tend to mirror that behavior with their feelings of frustration or anger. It’s natural for children (and adults) to want everyone around them to be happy and calm, so when we see others getting agitated, it makes us uncomfortable too! But remember: being angry or upset will only make things worse for everyone involved in the situation.
Don’t give in to demands just because your child has a tantrum! If you give in when they throw a fit every time they want something from the store because “they deserve something special today,” they will learn that throwing fits gets them what they want every time—which means more fits down the road! If possible, try saying no nicely instead of giving in to their demands; maybe there is another treat available at home that would keep them happy until then?
Wrap Up
We hope you found some value in these tips for handling tantrums. You might even want to revisit this post the next time your child is acting up, so you can take a deep breath and remember what to do. We know that parenting can be tough, but we hope that these recommendations help make it a little easier for you.